October. Sweet, blistering, cold, scary October.
Where does that bring me?
Ottawa!
I will be at the Ottawa Book Expo!
Time: 10:00 am – 5:00 pm
Date: October 20, 2019
Address: Horticulture Building in Lansdowne Park
Copies of Bubble Fusion, along with a few bookmarks, will be there.
Last weekend, I participated in a poetry marathon. It was the first time in two years.
In a movie marathon, people watch a series of movies, like Start Wars, all in one sitting. It is a relaxing way to become exhausted.
In a running marathon, people run long distances as fast as they can. It is an exhilarating way to become exhausted with a sense of accomplishment.
So what exactly is a poetry marathon? Do you read poetry? Yes, a bit. Do you discuss poetry? Yes, a bit. Do you talk with other poets? Yes, a bit.
Most of the time, though, is spent thinking, reacting, writing, researching, erasing, rewriting. There is at least one prompt that goes out at the start of each hour and the participant has to write something by the end of the hour. A sense of urgency is felt in some hours, especially when sleepiness takes over in the middle of a poem.
It is a mind boggling, emotional journey, that leaves the participant exhausted with a huge sense of accomplishment. After all, poetry is not easy to write and to write a minimum of 24 within 24 hours is nothing short of phenomenal.
Another aspect that makes this poetry marathon incredible is that it is open to anybody, anywhere, as long as they have Internet. It is a marathon of writers from all around the world. The opportunity to encounter new points of view, to make friends, to join new groups of like-minded people is literally right at your fingertips.
It has taken me almost a full week to recover, probably because of the lack of coffee and snacks I took in during the event this year. My slower recovery might also be because I am older than I was last time.
Was it worth it? Yes, it was definitely worth it. I managed to write thirty-eight poems. Not all of them are any good, but thirty-eight poems written over a course of two months might not produce better results. They all need editing. The ones that are beyond editing to help them along might be useful as jumping points for something more meaningful.
Would I do this kind of marathon again? Well, considering that I have participated in a half marathon and this year was my second full poetry marathon, I think the answer is simple: of course!
Look in the mirror:
a lifetime
spent walking down paths
It’s getting clearer:
this lifetime
and its aftermaths
It flashes quicker:
a lifetime
holding thoughts like drafts
It is a glimmer:
a lifetime
hanging tight to masts
It holds me in terror:
a lifetime
running from their chants
Look in the mirror:
this lifetime
restarts down this path
unsure of the world
unsure of what to say
unsure of what to do
I stayed my tongue
tied with observation
thoughts built up ideas
thoughts raced furious
thoughts dared spill over
I stayed my mind
eyes of observation
sure of my thoughts in air
sure of my thoughts in words
sure of my thoughts in ink
I freed emotions
posi-nega-tive
I freed all the chains
posi-nega-tive
imagination
held joy I could not find
in misfit worlds
in misfit schools
in misfit jobs
I spilled ink on paper
posi-nega-tive
I found here I lived best
posi-nega-tive
I gained serenity rules
sure of what to do
sure of what to say
sure in my world
Bubble Fusion has two main pieces of art attached to it: the photo of me on the back and the cover. (Actually, the photo is also here on this website.)
Let’s start with the photo. I knew I would be needing a photo for the book and various sites. I found, through word of mouth, Ben Di Nunzio. I asked him if he would mind taking my picture. He was more than happy to oblige. We met one late afternoon and he took a lot of pictures of me outside among the trees, which is where I feel the most comfortable. The more time we spent together, the more comfortable I felt with him, the more I realized we had a few things in common.
I was nearly done working on Bubble Fusion. I needed to have a cover to go with the book. I tried one cover with a different artist, but it didn’t do the book justice.
By the time the book was done, I had a better idea of what I wanted on the cover. However, I wasn’t 100% positive it was a great idea.
I decided to call Ben up again to ask him for his advice and then decided to ask him to create the cover for me.
He came up with several different pieces of work. Some were beautifully elaborate. In the end, we both decided the one with multiple bubbles intersecting, or fusing, with each other was the most representative of the book.
The bubbles represent the feeling that each one of us is trapped in some type of bubble. Some people are unaware of it and have no problems communicating and connecting with other people. Others are acutely aware of living inside a bubble and make conscious decisions to let people in or to ask them to leave.
Bubbles approaching other bubbles are people meeting each other. Overlapping bubbles indicate a closer relationship.
The bubbles on the cover also imply molecules coming together to create something or, in this case, someone.
As for the font used on the cover, well, Ben Di Nunzio went the extra mile. He drew the unnamed font on the book cover. Here, again, he pulled the concept of bubbles into the text.
There you have it. The answer to who took my photo and the answer to who did the cover art.
Back in early January, I saw a posting that was looking for people to perform at an event to round off their series of activities for mental health awareness week. I looked for what I thought would be the best three poems that would be appropriate for such an event and submitted them, thinking nothing would come of it. After all, there were going to be other artists, musicians, and poets applying to perform. I really have to stop listening to that doubting side of me.
I had never read any of my work in public before. I have submitted my work to online journals and anthologies, and have been accepted. To speak my words in front of a lot of people was something completely new. Panic struck me when I realized what I was going to have to do.
My timidity is exponential in relation to the number of people in my vicinity. In other words, the more people are around the shyer I become. So, panic is a normal reaction when I know I am going to be speaking in front of a group of strangers.
I knew I only had 5 minutes to be on stage. Should I read all three? Timing them proved that would not be possible. Should I read the two short poems I submitted? That would take at most two minutes. Or should I read the long poem? That poem, depending on how I read it out loud, is anywhere from four to five and half minutes. Should I read something else? Should I even go through with it? If you read this paragraph as fast as you can without taking a breath at the end of any of the sentences, you might get a glimpse of the panic that ensued inside me.
February 1, 2019 I headed down to the Mental Health Coffee House. It is a cute little place inside of Montreal Arts Interculturels, which houses a nice art gallery. I will have to go back just to visit the gallery. There were a few snacks there and lots of water.
Bit by bit people came in and sat down. The musicians and poets were all young. Some were more comfortable than others going up to perform. At least, the comfortable ones might have just looked the part; I have no idea what was going on inside them. I heard so many wondrous singers. Their music had words that held real meaning. Their melodies were rich and calming. The poets read with strong feelings and spoke truths that most people dare not to admit in pubic. Complete honesty.
Another nice thing to see was the audience. They were warm and receptive to the performers. The atmosphere was conducive to calming all people within the walls. Mind you, it also helped that two of my friends were able to make it to the event, too.
When I went up to read, I was still nervous, but I wasn’t panicked. At least, not at the same level I had been in all week. The mistake I made was not to ask for the microphone stand. Sure I had no instrument, but it is really hard to turn pages with a microphone in hand! I don’t know why I didn’t ask for it; the stand was just standing there on the side. In any case, I glanced at my two friends from time to time during my reading. That helped to keep the nerves away. One of them snapped pictures of me, although I somehow missed seeing her do that. I didn’t miss seeing my other friend pick up a copy of the poem I was reading and read along quietly.
What poem did I decide to read? Well, I decided to read Upstairs, which was originally published on the online literary journal Soft Cartel. It is based on a recurring nightmare. I thought by writing it out, it might make it go away once and for all. Originally, I tried to write the recurring nightmare as a spooking or horror flash fiction since I always woke up winded from it. The more I looked at it, the more I revised it, the more I realized it was not flash fiction. It was a poem. Granted, it is a rather long poem, although not in the traditional sense of a long poem. A real long poem is usually between 3600 and 7200 words. Upstairs is a measly 362 words.
Do I want to expose my words to more people by letting them listen to them? Do I want to stand up in front of people and read some more? Absolutely! It was a wonderful feeling to know that I can share a part of myself and be appreciated by many different people.
